Inadvertently admitting it is WRONG!

Helloo Dearies. :)

I was at Starbucks chilling with my friend the other day; we haven't seen each other in ages! And we were just talking about random shit and then I brought up Rookie Blue and Orphan Black and started gushing like crazy over Gail/Holly and Cosima/Delphine. Okay fine not Gail/Holly or Cosima/Delphine just Holly and Cosima. hahahah I started talking about my "thing" for chicks and glasses and just like full blown crazy talking about them. And then like he said "Wow[insert my name], you're a full lesbian." and that sort of shut me up, well not really my gushing was already dwindling down anyway I responded with a "yeah.."

That really stayed with me like it really did. I mean yeah I really find chicks with glasses totally hot and sexy but to have someone say that it's like a slap I guess. I'm still trying to find myself, even if I have been with a girl it was just a month so it didn't really measure up to anything, I'm still confused about it. Maybe I'm in denial (?) I dunno, Im just in that phase right now where Im unsure about alot if things. I mean I totally support LGBTQ duh but just coz you support something doesn't mean that you are comfortable with it, if that makes sense.

I read this quote by Amber Heard:

"I personally think that if you deny something or if you hide something you're inadvertently admitting it's wrong."

And it made me really ashamed coz that's what I'm doing I guess right? Hiding/Denying ? Hiding the fact that I watch Rookie Blue just for the lesbian story line. Hiding the fact that I go on youtube to look for any shows with lesbian story line. Like I was watching Gail/Holly scenes in the living room and my sister walked in and I was really worried she'd see so I sat somewhere else and plugged in my earphone. Every time I do something like that I feel really stupid like why should they care what I watch or why should I care what they think but I can't help myself. Human irrationality. Because like I said I support LGBTQ, to me its not wrong yet I'm denying something, hiding something about myself that I just might be a lesbian which in a way means that somehow I'm admitting it is wrong.

But I feel like since that day with my friend, in my mind I'm one step closer(probably like an inch) in accepting myself as whoever I am and that thought alone made me slightly happier.

Obsessively Obsessed

Hey there :)

From my last few (annoying) posts, I must admit to being obsessively obsessed over Orphan Black and Rookie Blue; well not the show in general but the particular relationship in the shows.

Episode 7 of Orphan Black is coming out on Saturday while Rookie Blue ep 3 will air next week Sunday(but I guess monday or tuesday for me).
Orphan Black is in its second season so I can still watch the show from season 1 and appreciate the show. Rookie Blue on the other hand is already on its 5th and I read somewhere that that is the last season as it has the most eps and is apparently the max in Canada; so I can't really appreciate the show fully because I don't really want to commit to having to watch RB from season 1. Although I know some RB fans will likely throw rocks at me because of this but I am only watching RB because of the Gail and Holly story. And maybe this is where I should be ashamed(?) or something because I won't be able to understand Gails character fully and how she would react to some situations regarding her and Holly but in Season 4 Ep 7 Gail compares herself to a cat and whatnot so from there I can already understand her somewhat and I know some of her love life issues all from reading L Chat which is by the way the most awesome thread alive right now(for me) so I don't really feel guilty about that.

So like I was saying my obsession, its getting pretty insane because its getting in the way of my work. Like its utter insanity because I've gone 2 days not doing work. Nada. Zero. I guess I shall include today, meaning 3 days but I did do some work not a lot though.
What I was doing those two days was reading L Chat for Rookie Blue(specifically Gail/Holly) and looking for spoilers AND there was a handful which made me a little more insane especially since RB s05e02 didn't have Gail and Holly together and there were ep 3 leaks of the bar scene which I'm sure most of you have seen, if not check out the L Chat thread and read through; not gonna post the link here. Its really fun to read coz everyone's speculating and stuff hahaha.

Orphan Black also has its own thread on L Chat and its pretty great too. I can keep up with what they are discussing about on the thread coz I am actually watching OB for the show itself, Delphine and Cosima storyline just pushed me to start watching it. Thank God! I wasted away last night on watching Ask OB and others on youtube most of it of Tatiana Maslany. I have a total crush. Her smile is just soooo adorable especially when she's playing Cosima.

Finally! Rookie Blue fix is here!!

Hello there

So after lunch the first thing I did is open kickass and searched Rookie Blue s05e02 and thank the fucking heavens!!!! It was there! But b4 that I of course nearly cried from frustration because I just had to open tumblr and I just had to scroll down and there just had to be a gif of Holly. Mother fucking christ I nearly screamed and cried.

Hmm.. I think I'm going overboard. Probably the remnants of last weeks period. Probably. But whatevs I am allowed to be dramatic and over emotional once awhile. Fucking sue me for it. Seriously though if I'm getting on your nerves don't give in to impulse and sue me. *grin*

Anyways, I am waiting for it to finish downloading and I will have my fix. Shit. I just realized that even if I get my fix today I have another week to wait for the next episode. GAH!

See this is why I don't follow up with the episodes continuously and just wait for the season to be completed. But nooooooo I just had to. Holly and Gail just had to be effingly cute and sexy and super hot. God damn.

And I just realized that this is the first time that I posted 3 times in a row. Probably need to find someone that can handle my insanity. Oooh LOOK!!! My download finished. So I'll be saying adieu now. Bye-Bye.

EXTRA:

Okay so I didn't want to have to post another post just to verbalise my utter disappointment that Gail and Holly had only like a minute worth of screen time, APART might I add. Oh and I totally found out the couples name thing : GAILY. I like mine better : GOLLY. Its just really cute. Anyway, this was for me ranting about my disappointment and I really am coz like zero Gaily or Golly. But then again I didn't watch RB from season 1 so I don't know all the drama, the arcs and what not so I guess I'm being annoying and anyway like this user on tumblr(awesome tumblr btw) sorta said it was nice to see Holly interacting with other officers besides just Gail; its like saying: WELCOME TO THE FAMILY. Meh I'm still upset. It isn't the fix that I wanted coz I don't really watch Rookie Blue for their own drama but I can't do anything but cry in frustration which I will or will not do. I dunno.

Gosh. Im just really disappointed. Like I feel I got rejected or something. Haih why am I extra dramatic today? Jeez.

Okay so yeah I totally forgot that they have a webisode. My bad. Onward to find my fix!!!

Heading towards Clonesbians Land

Hello there :)

"Clonesbians" that is just fucking epic! I love fandoms.

Anyway, Orphan Black who's been following? Like since Season 1 Episode 1 religiously? Well, obviously I can't say me because well if you've read my other posts about my sudden love of Rookie Blue then you must now why I am suddenly in love with Orphan Black *wink* So before I go into my love for a specific Orphan Black character let's start off with my interest towards the show.

The show has been around for nearly a year and a half with its second season being aired in April and I've got to say I am slightly surprised. The first time I saw the ad for Orphan Black on Lifetime I was instantly intrigued (I have a love for shows like these), I also instantly thought of Dark Angel (the one Jessica Alba was the lead character). It was out in 2000.

Check out the promo on youtube if you're interested or have never heard of it. Its alright. No lesbian scenes or couples here but I didn't watch it because I was expecting that, I like the show. All these sci-fi-ish shows, experiments and what-not. Love 'em!

So anyway, I instantly took to Orphan Black because of the cloning concept but it took me awhile to actually download it and it took me even longer for me to watch *grin* Every time I wanted to click on a file to watch it I'd go, "Meh, next time" and move on to something else. 

Why I started watching it with so much passion though is the same reason I started watching Rookie Blue; You got it : Cosima and Delphine. I was in this particular mood to watch lesbian themed shows or movies so i dug around youtube and well youtube is full of vid about "My top 20 favourite lesbian couples" and videos along that line and among those videos I saw Cosima and Delphines scene and totally went berserk. haha. 

totes hot

(this gif i did not make. found it on google. so its credit is to the owner whomever you are. I don't want to get bashed for no reason thanks)

And I just totally fell in love with Cosima coz if you know me I got a thing for chicks and glasses. Plus it doesn't hurt that Tatiana Maslany is super pretty; you add glasses and I just melt. 

tatiana maslany

cosima

Gosh, look at her. I don't blame Delphine for falling for her, seriously. And she's totally smart, being a scientist and all. Damn. I just realized that some of the chicks I'm crushing on are scientists : Holly Stewart, Lauren Lewis, Cosima. Wow. Well, I guess coz they are scientist they need the glasses to make them look the part. SIGH!

So I'm just gonna stop myself here before I divulge into my crush on Tatiana Maslany herself.

 Bye-Bye 

Waiting impatiently for Rookie Blue Season 5 Episode 2

Hellooooo Dearies.

Ugh, I even had to force the pleasantries out, that's how frustrated I am with this upcoming episode of Rookie Blue. Like I'm literally checking google whether the episode has aired yet and available for download. I'm so fucking obsessed right now its probably not healthy coz I need to start on my work but I really can't. My brain isn't up to thinking about codes and whatever else shit coz its only thinking about Rookie Blue or more specifically Gail and Holly. I'm still unsure whether "Golly" is their couples(?) name or not. And to add to my building frustration I found this gif of Gail and Holly and it must totally be the second ep right? Coz Gail has her new haircut.

I feel like crying!!! Why must it take so god damn long??!? Ugh!! Frustration to the fucking max!!! Plus I guess it doesn't help that I'm having Caramel Macchiato right now, its just adding to my already high sugar level (I think).

Well, this is just me sharing my frustration over Rookie Blue's next episode that really needs to be aired or be available for me to download. I just god fucking hope that Gail and Holly scenes are in this ep. It needs to because with the end of ep 1 season 5 if there isn't I'll probably murder someone. GAH! Well, the only good thing that got out of my rant/frustration/obsession is the gif I found. I guess not that great considering that its making me even more frustrated but at least I know their relationship is building!

I think my obsession is also due to the fact that I have a massive crush on Aliyah O'brien or Holly Stewart; both. SIGH!!!

And if anyone with a kind soul could just help me, the tortured soul, out here that would be great and I will be in your debt.

My jump to Rookie Blue

Hello there :)

See the thing is Rookie Blue its been out awhile its already hitting its 5th season and to be honest I haven't even seen the first. *grin* I've always seen the ads on Diva and I always thought it seemed interesting and I would always tell myself, "I should start watching it." but I never got around to doing that. It's one of those shows that intrigue me but doesn't excite me. You know that feeling? You see an ad of some movie or show and your like "Hey, that looks interesting. I'm gonna check it out." but when you are on the computer and want to download your just like, "Nah. Next time." and end up doing something else entirely. That's me every single time I think of Rookie Blue. But now I have decided to watch it and have already downloaded it but get this I only downloaded the last few episodes of Season 4. *grin* I'm sure those of you who are fans of this show just wanna throw something at me and go "WHAT??" but come on you really have to ask why if you are a real fan? *smirk*

Gail and Holly shipper here!!

omg!! I totes loved the bathroom scene!! SIGH!  

Though I haven't come across their combined names name yet. Is it something like Golly ? Sounds about right. And just totally perfect but do correct me if I'm wrong. And I'm totally serious that I downloaded the series just to watch their story. Waiting for someone to edit it and post it on youtube is just way too fucking torturous for me.

I gotta tell you I have a total crush on Holly especially coz I have a thing for chicks and glasses. Not that I'm saying Holly without glasses is any less sexy, the total opposite. I mean look!!! :

totally hot and totally sexy

also this gif doesn't belong to me, i found it on google so whomever that did it is credited to them(i don't wanna get bashed for no reason thanks.)

Not just hot and sexy but totally adorable and totally smart. She's a forensic pathologist! big huge SIGH!!

And Gail! *another huge SIGH, im sorry* but she's just so beautiful. Her eyes. I love blue eyes. Im asian so not that many blue eyed chicks here.

beautiful

Im totally waiting impatiently for episode 2.