I had a dream this morning. Of course you were the main star. I wouldn't bother otherwise. It's vague like most dreams. You don't remeber how it really started and you only remember the ending and even then you aren't sure if it is the ending. A vicious cycle of doubt runs my life, can you tell? This dream though is different than the rest because I woke up feeling lighter. Everything before that moment in the dream is a massive blur but I remember heartache and being angry and sad. I was crouched down having a fucking meltdown (I'm having meltdowns in my dreams! God forbid.) And there you were taking my hand asking me to get the fuck up. Consciously, I can't recall now though if you've ever cursed or even how your voice sounds which breaks me the more I think about it so I won't. Anyway, with great difficulty you tugged at me until I could get up and pulled me away and said, &You have to let go&. When I woke up i thought, &Let you go?& Was it even possible for me to do that?
Could I do that? Do I even want to? I've tried many times to forget you but somehow when dream you says it it finally clicks that I have not really tried. I've only been pushing feelings and thoughts away. No wonder monsters and demons laugh at me. They thrive in my denial and despair. So this time I'll listen even if it's only dream you talking.
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