infatutaion

Oh shit. Its happening again. Infatuation.

She’s this girl that works at the same place that I work at too. She’s.. I don’t know. I'm intrigued by her. I want to get to know her better. I want to understand her. The first time we met we just clicked. She was easy to get along with. I felt comfortable with her right away. And that’s saying something because I'm not the type to get comfortable with people easily. I need a couple of days to get comfortable with someone. Go figure.

She’s adorable.  She’s bubbly. She smiles a lot too. I love her smile. And how her eyes are just so full of joy when she smiles. Or maybe that’s just her contact lenses. Haha .. anyway she’s really nice. I feel like we understand each other. Like if we had time and the opportunity we could just talk for ages. And I'm very sure we have things in common. And we are getting closer. My other colleagues even call us best friends. I mean come on even we haven’t categorized our friendship that way. And god, liking girls is just hard, not that im a confirmed lesbian maybe just bisexual and find girls much more appealing(hahah) I mean she started calling me “babe” and I know I know it’s a normal thing girls do but it just sprouted butterflies in my tummy. My heart practically swelled. i just want to hold her hand, hug her, tell her i miss her and know that she knows that i really really miss her. And, just great, im jealous already coz she’s gonna hang out with one of her girl friends. Yes, I have a jealous streak shoot me.  

But unfortunately she’s malay, wears tudung and best part she’s engaged. Its an arranged marriage so she doesn’t really like the guy, yet I guess. Coz she said if they get married then she’ll try. But I didn’t get that part though. Like isn’t she suppose to be trying now? They’ve been engaged for a year plus now.  

Anyway, I like her. Like I wanna talk, and be with her all the time kind of like. But that’s infatuation for ya.  

But lucky me she’s going overseas so it’ll be easy for me to get her outta my system. so that i wont have these feelings. I use the “out of sight, out of mind” method. It’ll kill me inside but im a masochist more than a saddist so whatever. I just want her to be happy. I hope she is.and I just wish she knew how much I care about her.