Saturday, 11 August 2012

The Truth Pt 1

Looking at my reflection in my closet mirror I never understood those scenarios in books or movies where the character would just stare into the mirror and suddenly understand something or just see something that no one else can. I don’t get it, really. Because I’m staring at myself and all I see is my reflection the exact function of a mirror. I don’t see a sudden realization that my life is crumbling apart and I need to do something. I don’t see a sudden realization that I am somebody. I don’t see that sudden epiphany where the knowledge of the worlds come crashing down on you. Maybe that’s just it. I don’t see. Maybe those are just scenarios writers just jot down because they want to believe that something like that can happen for a 19 year old. Maybe everyone are just big fat liars. Maybe.
“Nadia!”
That shakes me out of my thoughts, but I still stare at myself, stare into my brown ordinary eyes.
“Nadia!”
I have no choice but to respond to my sisters beckoning. Really, if its another question as to where the potatoes are I’m just going to say I don’t know and tell her to ask the maid.
And of course I was wrong not the potatoes, canned mushrooms, which is even better because she knows exactly where it is but she can’t find it and usually that means it’s finished. Really, the amount of intelligence in this household surprises me because sometimes small things like mushrooms can’t be grasped.
After explaining that the mushrooms are out I sit at the counter listening to my sister grumble about being hungry and about being fat, which is kind of silly as both topics contradict each other in a way. Funny really. So I just be the good little sister and automatically say, “no, you’re not fat.”  Well, of course it doesn’t appease anything as she still complains about it while flopping down on the sofa and channel surf.
Staying at my spot at the counter staring off into space I think about what I said. The automatic response of a supportive younger sister and I think about obligations towards family, about sincerity, honesty and loyalty. Those are the three things that are important in a family right? Other than love of course. Oh! Which brings me to the question of obligatory love in a family establishment.
When we were younger even until we’re way past the adult barrier of life our mothers still remind us to always tell the truth and telling the truth means having to be sincere. But they never explain to us the meaning of obligations in a family. Obligation and sincerity cannot be in the same equation can it?
For example, when our relatives come from across seas to visit us we have to greet them even when we don’t feel like making conversation with anyone at the moment. Say the “hi”’s, “how are you”’s, “i miss you”’s. When really, we don’t give a shit. That’s considered an obligation right? Like it’s not like we’re sincere when we ask “how are you?” because I don’t really care. I mean u travelled to see us I’m sure on some level your fine and I just don’t want to go in deeper. Then there’s always the “I’m fine” or “I’m okay” response which again really not the most honest answer anyone can give because no one is okay no one is actually really fine.
No one should tell us to be sincere and honest. Because if everyone was 100% sincere and honest all the time someone may end up dead in a ditch at 3 o’clock in the morning.
“Nad?”
“Huh? What?” I was taken out of my reverie.
“I asked if you wanted to watch. I’m going to take a nap.” My sister, always taking a nap.
“Uh, just leave it on. “
“Okay.”
Before my sister reached her bedroom door my mum bursted through the front door obviously late for another dinner party. “Bye. I’m late. I’m late.”
I can’t help but let out a small laugh because what else was new when it came to my mum and her dinner parties.
“Bye mum, have fun.” I said smiling getting up to hug her. My sister waiting in line most probably laughing at my mum’s antics as well. Just as my mum walked out the door my sister said, “Bye ma, have fun! Be careful. Love you!”
But of course my mum didn’t respond. The usual sometimes when she’s late for something. My sister promptly went back to go take a nap in her room. I walked to the couch and rummaged through the cushions because every time either of my siblings watched television somehow the control slips between the cushions. Ridiculous. Really. While I rummaged I thought about love. Which to be quite honest with you is always on my mind because I just don’t fully understand the concept. 

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