Inadvertently admitting it is WRONG!

Helloo Dearies. :)

I was at Starbucks chilling with my friend the other day; we haven't seen each other in ages! And we were just talking about random shit and then I brought up Rookie Blue and Orphan Black and started gushing like crazy over Gail/Holly and Cosima/Delphine. Okay fine not Gail/Holly or Cosima/Delphine just Holly and Cosima. hahahah I started talking about my "thing" for chicks and glasses and just like full blown crazy talking about them. And then like he said "Wow[insert my name], you're a full lesbian." and that sort of shut me up, well not really my gushing was already dwindling down anyway I responded with a "yeah.."

That really stayed with me like it really did. I mean yeah I really find chicks with glasses totally hot and sexy but to have someone say that it's like a slap I guess. I'm still trying to find myself, even if I have been with a girl it was just a month so it didn't really measure up to anything, I'm still confused about it. Maybe I'm in denial (?) I dunno, Im just in that phase right now where Im unsure about alot if things. I mean I totally support LGBTQ duh but just coz you support something doesn't mean that you are comfortable with it, if that makes sense.

I read this quote by Amber Heard:

"I personally think that if you deny something or if you hide something you're inadvertently admitting it's wrong."

And it made me really ashamed coz that's what I'm doing I guess right? Hiding/Denying ? Hiding the fact that I watch Rookie Blue just for the lesbian story line. Hiding the fact that I go on youtube to look for any shows with lesbian story line. Like I was watching Gail/Holly scenes in the living room and my sister walked in and I was really worried she'd see so I sat somewhere else and plugged in my earphone. Every time I do something like that I feel really stupid like why should they care what I watch or why should I care what they think but I can't help myself. Human irrationality. Because like I said I support LGBTQ, to me its not wrong yet I'm denying something, hiding something about myself that I just might be a lesbian which in a way means that somehow I'm admitting it is wrong.

But I feel like since that day with my friend, in my mind I'm one step closer(probably like an inch) in accepting myself as whoever I am and that thought alone made me slightly happier.